I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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