he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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