Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
