Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
