she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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