I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
