dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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