Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
