Cold hands, warm shart.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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