You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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