My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
