I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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