just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
