I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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