Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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