I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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