toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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