Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
