Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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