Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
