dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
