Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
