i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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