ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
