I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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