Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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