Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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