I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
