dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
