Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize