and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
