lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
