You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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