i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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