Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
