note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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