Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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