I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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