Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
