the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
