So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
