1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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