I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
