It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
