We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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