He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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