I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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