I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
