so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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