i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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