I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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