If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you never un-have a 4some
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
