I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
