It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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