OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
