Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
