Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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