Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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