I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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