somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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