i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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