my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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