I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
