At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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