remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
