u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
