You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
