Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize