piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
