TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My life is pants optional.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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