So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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